The Story Never Told.

  The idea of mindfulness or being mindful is complete engagement in the present moment.  It is a state where you are not thinking, reflecting, judging or deciding, but are instead simply experiencing the things currently in your available experience.  In many ways people are largely unaware of our present moment, and often operate on “auto-pilot” to some degree. The auto-pilot mode is our default mode of operation.  Even when we find ourselves in a pleasurable quiet moment we automatically begin to daydream about others, plan/worry about the future or ruminate about the past.  We miss living in the present moment because we fail to pay attention to it.  Mindfulness is about waking up to the present moment and paying attention to our experience.  Learning mindfulness is not difficult; however, it is difficult to remember to do it.

 What kind of an idiot does that? Bad enough to get hit by a train once. But wouldn’t the pain of that keep you from getting too close to the edge again? Judgmental headline reading comes easy to me. This story provided low-hanging fruit. The specifics don’t matter now. It’s the pattern that stands out.  Over and over and over again. Same result. “What kind of an idiot repeatedly steps across the edge to be hit by a train, you ask? Who doesn’t learn from pain when they experience it? Those are great questions—for you!”    How often do I get hit by the same train in my own house? Same sloppy words. Same defensive posture. Same behavior that creates the same negative result.  I had to think: Instead of using my energy to judge the dude who kept running into trains, maybe ask God to help me start avoiding some of my own.  But God, can’t I at least ask, who gets hit twice by a REAL train?  Action points:     What’s one marital “train” you’d ...

 That whole “sticks and stones” rhyme from childhood doesn’t work in the adult world. Words, indeed, can hurt us. Do you have a not-so-gentle way with words? Pray and ask God for help in how you speak to your partner. If you need an extra reminder, write “Speak kindly” on sticky notes and place around the house, in the car Proverbs 15:4 - Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

50 Things To Say to Your Partner to Make Him Feel Great.  For most of us, forgiving feels like something is being pried from us: our justice, our sense of self, our dignity. The offense someone has caused looms large and unforgivable.  But forgiveness isn’t saying what the other person did was just, nor is it bypassing accountability for the offender.  It’s a choice to bless in the face of an insult, like Jesus did for us; to continue pursuit of a loving relationship when we want to wash our hands of the other person. It’s a choice not to dwell on the offense. Instead, forgiveness opts to see a person as more than the sum of their errors. Forgiven people forgive people. And the more we internalize the magnitude of how much we’ve been forgiven, the more those missing Mets tickets (or the equivalent) are eclipsed by mercy. If you were to think about one area in which you haven’t forgiven your partner—or need to choose forgiveness again—what would it be? What stands in the w...

 Would your spouse describe you as their cheerleader or critic?  Consider surrendering yourself to the Lord, and ask Him to give you eyes to see your partner  the way He does. Think of specific words of encouragement to tell your partner this week. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

  “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” with each other (James 1:19) If you start feeling emotions rising in a discussion this week, take a pause and see if you need to “take back” words you said. If you can, calmly discuss why this might be a hot topic between the two of you. Proverbs 17:4 -  Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip;  liars pay close attention to slander.   Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences. God gave you a spouse who completes you in ways you haven’t even learned yet.  Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness. “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). We are all self-centered; we all instinctively look out for number one, and this leads directly to conflict. I f we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all. As Philippians 2:1-8. You must give up your will for the will of another. Resolving confl...

 Flattery is throwing in a compliment for your own gain, for actually what you are after in the other person. “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). When you’re honest, what lies beneath that sarcasm, snark, or passive aggression? If you mess up in this area, don’t be afraid to say, “You know what, that was really wrong of me. Would you please forgive me?” Or “Can I rephrase that? Because I do care about you.” Affirmation is speaking a word of truth about a wonderful characteristic/ quality or ability of that other person for the purpose of building them up and lifting their spirit. Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer deflects anger,  but harsh words make tempers flare.

  “ A cup brimful of sweetness cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, no matter how suddenly jarred.”  Communication is the quality and quantity of the connection we share. Words are the tether between us, disclosing what’s truly in us.  “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45) Our words reflect our hearts. Our communication problems are essentially … heart problems What kind of tie exists between you, in light of your communication? What brand of humanity is exposing itself between you? Does it display an eagerness to throw something or someone under the bus—or a heart of graciousness, even when jostled? When you care about the quality of your communication, you understand the role it plays in keeping your love alive—and a relationship that gives life to both of you. Ephesians 4:29 29  Do not let any unwhol...